Did I make the RIGHT choice?

As you may know, I was living with another single mom and her two kids. When the shelter in place order came in mid March, we decided that it would be best for her to stay with her kids' dad for a while. That while turned into my housemate and her partner reconciling and getting engaged. This is wonderful news. 

Truthfully, I was ready to move out of that house anyway. But to where?

I had a lot to consider as I was moving. I know that now is the time for humans to be truly developing connection to the land, learning more about farming and sustainability. I also know that it is important to live in a community where there is healthy communication and true caring. The model of the nuclear family is no longer working. I also didn't want to spend a fortune on rent when the financial world is so uncertain. On top of it all, I have a sense that this fall and winter are going to continue with the intensity.  

Dude, that's a lot to hold. It was like the entire weight of the world was in my one decision. I was anxious and overwhelmed. I was short with my daughter and unable to focus. 

I looked at so many places. I considered living back in my hometown, closer to nature and my family. I considered moving to Montana. To Salt Lake City.

About 2 weeks before my move date, I found an ad on craigslist for a separate apartment in a community house. The house had chickens, a large garden and it was by the river in the mountains near Boulder. It seemed like a match for my values. But something wasn't sitting right with me. 

I slowed myself down. Pulled some of the internal threads apart. And I realized my nervous system was DONE with my home life being "personal growth". It turns out all that personal growth in my home was leaving me overstimulated and undernourished. I realized that the most important thing for me right now was to set up a situation where my nervous system could recalibrate and balance. 

So I chose a small condo in a small town just outside of Boulder. Which makes very little sense based on what I believe, but it feels so right to my nerves.

Here's why I'm telling you this story, with so much disruptive and dismantling information coming at us all the time, it is tough to know what is actually important for big decisions. And I think a lot of us are making big decisions right now. 

Usually the advice is to follow your values. And they are significant. AND I wonder if before we can start creating our new world, we need to truly unwind the trauma of the old. 

We are being shown the enormity of the collective human trauma patterns. We have a significant opportunity for us to face the trauma and heal it with attention and support. 

Did I make the "right choice"? No. Because that's not how decisions work. It is not about right or wrong, it is about priorities. My priority is to be my best self. From there, I can take the best care of myself and my daughter, and serve most potently and effectively in our human transformation. In order to do that, my nerves needed a major reset. 

So this is your permission slip to not base your decisions solely on information and beliefs. Go deeper into what you actually need in order to rise up to the occasion. It's a tricky place to sit as we often need support pulling apart the threads of beliefs, trauma, habits and truth. You don't have to decide alone. Let me know if I can support you.

Thank you for your attention.

Much love,

Amy