Which is your priority: Being Good, or Feeling Good?

I wrote to you a couple of weeks ago about feeling good. And I want to expand on that a bit.

Each of us has our own version of "being good" and it is up to you to explore your own (you can reach out to me and we can explore together) Here's some of the ways I see it in myself and my clients:

Give of yourself completely. Sacrifice everything for the other. Don't make waves. Don't speak up. Don't have big emotions. Don't mention menstrual cycles. Your existence, your sexuality, your energy is for the other. Don't have needs of your own, always put other's needs first. Don't want. Don't have pleasure, unless it is for the other to enjoy. Don't actually know or say what you feel. Don't be complicated.

If you are not a woman, or do not identify with this, I encourage you to read this to understand more fully the people in your life who have been programmed this way.

When we first discover that we are working too hard, saying yes to too many things, changing ourselves to fit in, we think the answer is to say "no", to "speak our truths" and to do less. When actually those "solutions" are just the flip side of the same coin.

Most of us are aware of this program/habit, but have not actually taken the time to face it and integrate it. And here's the really weird thing about this program, it looks like it is for the other but... YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE OTHER. YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOURSELF. Read that again. In order to integrate this, you have to see how it benefits you.

So what benefit could you possibly be receiving from being good? I can tell you my version of it, but I encourage you to not just read my answer and accept it as your own. Because unless you pause and dive into that question, really go into the space that gets triggered, you will continue to play out the program of "good girl/bad girl". Which becomes "victim/martyr" when you learn the spiritual language for it. Read on if you want, but notice if you just want the answer, rather than the experience.

For me, the benefits of being good are:

1. I get to stay part of the group. I get to look like I belong (but I don't really feel belonging because I'm not really living as myself, I'm living as almost myself, an adjacent self).

2. I don't have to take actual responsibility for my life. I get to live in this realm of being knocked around by the whims of others, and my own emotions, and pitying myself about "how hard everything is".

3. I get to ride the luge of my emotional habits and call it going with the flow.

4. I get to live in a fantasy of a "new earth", a "new consciousness". One day a god, a superhero in tights, or the aliens will save me from this.

Now, this is nuanced and subtle, because it actually IS very important to belong. And it IS very important to understand that there is a fucked up system in place that does make surviving difficult for many. Emotional expression IS important. And we DO need to change the way we operate, and to do that we have to think and operate differently in our consciousness.

For humans, belonging is not the same as fitting in. Pitying is not the same as responding. Indulgence in habits is not the same as flow consciousness. Magical thinking is not the same as actively moving in a new direction.

Back to the being good over feeling good. In order to be good, you often sacrifice your feel good. When I talk about feeling good, what I mean here literally feeling good AND having the skills to feel. All the feels. You have a current range of what you are allowed to feel: the range is right there in the "good girl/bad girl" program. Sadness, not anger. Comfort, not ecstasy. Reason, not passion.

In order to expand your ability to feel ALL the feels, you have to have a container. Energetically, physically, and socially. This container needs to exist internally and externally.

The internal container gets built by understanding your personal operating system, and learning how to override its luges of habits. This is about knowing yourself, truly. And having the capacity to go right to the center of the thing. Building physical strength, making weird noises, exploring pleasure, feeling good, journaling. BEING HONEST with yourself.

The external container starts with your personal environment and extends to your social environment. You may need to move some furniture. And it might help to find a women's group, men's group, recovery group, spiritual group, coaching group. I am leading a group starting mid February 2021.

2020 has had a large flavor of good vs. bad, conspiracy theorist vs. good citizen, the red pill vs the blue pill. Actually, there is no pill to get you out of this fuckery. You are the answer and community is the answer. The "great conjunction" was just two dots in the sky, and it was also an energetic archetypal doorway. Walk your ass through it, but you can't take the bullshit with you.

As always, I'm here for this with you. Replies and inquiries welcome.

Love,

Amy